Backsliding behavior

I’m finding it difficult to get back into healthy eating habits after my disappointing visit to the nutritionist last week. As I wrote in my last post, I have developed a bit of a “fuck it” attitude. If I’m not going to lose weight, I tell myself, I should just give up.

Needless to say, I recognize that this is the least healthy attitude I can take. It also doesn’t portend well for weight-loss surgery. What will I do after the operation when I get depressed? Eating the wrong things will no longer be an option, and can make me physically ill. If eating is my only outlet after a disappointment, perhaps I need some additional psychological counseling.

An example: Yesterday, my whole family went to my parents’ house for a Father’s Day house. We had three generations under a roof, so we celebrated with chicken and waffles — something my parents had never eaten before. I ate more than I should have. After that, there was cake to celebrate Father’s Day. I only ate one small piece. And then a cookie. And then another small piece.

On the trip home to Camp David, we stopped at Dunkin’ Donuts so the Complementary Spouse could get a decaf. I ordered a vanilla cake-batter donut, which is a limited-time-only donut. And when we got home, I started eating some old Nilla Wafers out of the pantry. Eventually, the Complementary Spouse ordered me upstairs so I’d be away from the food. So I went to sleep early.

This morning, I stopped at Wawa (Footnote 1) and picked up two Tastykake (Footnote 2) snacks. Either one of them would have been too many calories to consume. Having scarfed down both on the way to work, I am now feeling a little sweaty.

I don’t know how to stop. Maybe I need to ignore the diet today and get all the negative feelings out of my body, and commit myself to starting off on the right foot tomorrow. A nice night’s sleep and a positive frame of mind might be all I need.

1. This is a ridiculous name for a gas station and convenience store.
2. This is also a ridiculous name (Footnote 3).
3. I suspect the entire state of Pennsylvania has been punking us with product names for several decades now. I can’t look at a package of Herr’s potato chips without thinking of the “Mein Herr” song from Cabaret (Footnote 4).
4. The Liza Minnelli version of Cabaret is one of my least favorite films ever.

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