Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear

When I was unconscious in the operating room, my chest was shaved. It was expected, but I was a little disgusted by my smooth belly when I woke up. I’m happy to report that the chest hair is growing back, and I’ll be back to my hirsute self in no time at all.

Now I just need to cross my fingers and hope that I don’t experience any more hair loss. From everything I’ve read and heard, it’s not uncommon for people to start losing a little head hair about three months after surgery. It’s usually not noticeable, and the hair grows back a few months later.

I am not too worried about hair loss on my head. For one thing, my hair is ridiculously thick (Footnote 1). For another, finding a few hairs on my pillow for a few months is a small price to pay for a surgery that has already drastically improved my quality of life.

1. Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful.

Caffeine a no-no

I had my first major screw-up this morning. I was running to work and decided to stop at Starbucks. As I’ve had a mild headache for several days now, I accidentally ordered my usual drink, an iced coffee with some cream and three Splendas (Footnote 1). Then I started to drink it though the straw.

This was a no-no.

First of all, I’m not supposed to have any caffeine. I should have ordered a decaf — but I despise decaf coffee, so my usual order at Starbucks these days is a decaf iced tea.

Second, I’m not supposed to use straws. As it was explained to me, a straw makes it hard to regulate how much you’re sipping, and can put extra air into the stomach.

This is the first mishap in about three months, as I started to eliminate caffeine and straws about four weeks before the surgery. I know it was an honest mistake caused by me not being thoughtful, so I’m not too mad at myself.

Still, I shouldn’t have been so careless.

However, I’d be remiss if I didn’t point out that the caffeine has helped me with my headache.

1. Is Splenda or Splendas the plural of Splenda? Actually, as a grammar nerd, I’m actually hoping the plural is Splendae.

Eye, eye

I’ve noticed something weird in the seven weeks since my surgery. My eyesight seems to have changed. Of course, this may have been happening gradually over the past year, but it has only come into focus (by which I mean lack of focus) recently.

Last night, watching the Bucs game on teevee, I couldn’t make out the score or the other information on the chyron. I’m having a hard time reading street signs when I drive.

The advantage of this situation is that I’ve been able to order new glasses. I got my new sunglasses about a week ago, but had to bring them back because the progressive lenses were not made correctly (Footnote 1). The fixed sunglasses should be ready in a day or two. I’m not wild about the shape, but I got them because they are larger than usual and will block the sun well as I drive.

Even more exciting, my new glasses from Warby Parker are expected to arrive today. I’m a big Warby Parker fan, as we have a retail store near Camp David so I can try on many styles and have the lenses measured properly. This time, I got dark gray frames that are slightly transparent. This pair of sunglasses replaces my old pair of Warby Parkers, which are tortoiseshell-ey on the top and clear on the bottom (Footnote 2).

I’m excited about the new glasses, as they symbolize a new look for my changing body. I’m fairly confident my prescription didn’t change rapidly — it very likely happened over time, and only became noticeable in the past two months.

If I’m wrong, and it turns out that rapid weight loss leads to eyesight changes, it means I get to buy more glasses from Warby Parker! Hooray for inexpensive, stylish glasses!

1. The progressive line was too high, so I couldn’t see well at a distance. If that makes sense.
2. They are really hard to describe, but they’re really handsome glasses. If you’ve seen pictures of me on this blog, you should know what they look like.

Another first (but not a good one)

For the first time since surgery, my stomach hurts. I think I tried to eat too much at dinner. I had a Morningstar meatless griller patty, which was a little spicy. I ate the whole thing, so I don’t know if it’s heat or the quantity that got to me. Right now, I’m lying flat in bed, watching RuPaul and waiting until I can drink some water.

Crotch blotch

After the surgery, I had a somewhat large gray blotch on my inner right thigh. It didn’t look as colorful as black-and-blue mark, but I thought maybe it was a sign of internal bleeding or a blood clot. However, because the size and shape didn’t change, and it didn’t hurt at all, I thought I’d wait till I met my surgeon again to mention it.

On Monday, I had an appointment with a dermatologist for an unrelated issue. As she was looking me over, I showed her the blotch. “I have no idea what this is,” I said. Continue reading